The Debate
by bemystar
Summary: Emmett wants to have a debate. Woot for comedy! :D
1. Chapter 1

**The Debate**

A/N: I do not own Twilight or anything else in this story, I'd list them all, but I don't wanna ruin it. :D Oneshot, and some material may be considered inappropriate by some, but only if you're small and prepubescent.

Emmett came up behind Bella, who was on the couch, to almost yell in her ear: "Let's have a debate."

Bella jumped, annoyed at Emmett. "What?"

"A debate, you know. About presidents and money and babies." Emmett flicked her head as if it was obvious. Bella sighed and turned to look at him, only to find he was had disappeared.

"So can we do it?" He asked loudly in her other ear. "Please?"

"Emmett! Stop doing that," Bella said. "And _fine_, if it's so important to you…"

Emmett looked ecstatic. "Yay. Alice!"

And then Alice appeared, with an armful of stuff. "Okay, where shall we set up?"

"Why do we have to 'set up'?" Bella asked.

"Because! It's official that way." Emmett sighed. "You're not the brightest crayon in the box, you know, Bella." She rolled her eyes.

"Where's Edward anyway? He said he had to 'run a few errands'…"

Alice faked a cough and her expression changed, it looked as if she was keeping a secret. "Oh, he'll be back soon."

Emmett looked exasperated. "Okay! No more interruptions. Let's set up here." He sat down. "Everyone, criss cross applesauce."

"Why?" Bella asked. "Why must we sit that way, Emmett?"

"Because it's _official_ that way," he said. "You're not in a very good mood. Jasper!" Emmett called out, practically shaking the Cullen's house with his voice.

Jasper appeared out of nowhere. "I'm on it," then he stopped. "Bella, you're feeling… impatient. I believe you're missing someone. I also think you're depraved of something… sex?"

Bella stood up and slapped him across the face. "You are not a fortune teller, that's Alice," she said angrily. "And, just shut up." She sat back down.

"Hey, I have a great idea! Play with us, Jasper!" Emmett clapped his hands.

Jasper sat down next to him. "Sure. Oh, I forgot, I have to, um… make pancakes. Goodbye, my dear not-siblings." He got up again and walked up the stairs.

"Time to set up!" Alice announced loudly. Suddenly, Edward burst through the door. At the same time, someone's ringtone went off, which was _"Shady's back, back, back… back again… shady's back… tell a friend…" _Of course. It was Edward's.

"Hey, babe… yeah, sure… as soon as possible… you know it." He made a kissy noise and hung up.

"Two questions: Who was that and where_ were _you?" Bella demanded.

Edward shrugged. "That was Jacob." He paused to make sure Bella wasn't going to attack. Not yet. "And I was… at a friend's. Doing homework."

"Lordy," Emmett whispered, snickering. Jasper joined along, and not too soon they were on the rolling on the floor laughing out loud.

"So… yeah. Jacob's coming to join our debate. I totally knew what you guys were doing, because you know, I can read minds," Edward gloated, and Alice growled.

"Okay! Now SIT DOWN." Edward knew better than to get in Alice's way, so he followed her directions. Emmett and Jasper cooled down, and Bella sat quietly, fuming.

Alice rolled out a rug, two buzzers, and an electronic score-keeper. Bella stared at it. "Why do you need that…" she gestured to the score keeper.

"No one knows, Bella. This is how we've always done it, every year, for a century." Jasper answered for her. Bella looked at Edward but he was busy texting on his shiny phone.

"Okay, let's divide into teams –" at that moment, Jacob burst in. He made his way quietly onto the rug and sat down cross legged disturbingly close to Edward.

"I'm on Edward's team," he said nonchalantly. Bella's mouth hung wide open, and Emmett shut it for her.

"Alrighty then. Team one: Edward and Jacob. Team two: Bella and Emmett. I'll be the judge." Alice gestured them to start.

"Er… how do we do this?" Poor Bella asked. Meanwhile, Jacob and Edward snuck a kiss, and somehow, someway, Jacob's arm was twisted around Edward's waist. Bella stared at it, looking confused.

Alice sighed heavily and slapped Jacob. Then she turned to Bella. "I don't know, talk politics. Use the kind of words they use on CNN."

Emmett beeped the buzzer that was in front of him. "I vote for Squidward."

Edward tore his mouth away from Jacob to inform him, "Squidward's views on the economy are so idiotic. Did he ever go to college? Doubt it. I vote for Patrick."

Bella sighed and snuck away unnoticed as Edward, Jacob, and Emmett really got into their debating. There was a constant annoying buzz, but she learned to ignore it. _I'll never figure out supernatural debating_, she thought. Suddenly she was sad, and found herself making her way up the stairs. Jasper was waiting at the top.

"You don't know how long I've waited for you," he said seductively, and pulled Bella close to him.

She coughed. "Edward kinda already used that line on me. But oh well , you have nice hair." They made out to the sound of buzzing and "Squidward sucks!" from downstairs.

A/N: xD Random, huh.


	2. Chapter 2

Rosalie was fiddling with the huge, neat stack of DVD's on the huge shelf next to the huge T.V. After about two quick hours of pondering, she picked out the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and flung it at Emmett, who was lying on the couch. "I'm in the mood for some horror," she told him.

Emmett caught it, glanced at the cover, shuddered and chucked it back at her. "I'm…not."

"You never are," she complained.

"How about we watch Mean Girls?" Emmett suggested.

Rosalie scoffed. She hated watching those prissy girls, trying to live up to her. _I mean, puh-lease. _"You watch that movie so often, Emmett, you've gotten all the lines, actions, props, mess-ups, actors, actresses, and everything else memorized. I think you're just afraid to watch people getting sawed apart, even though it should make you thirsty, in a sick way, considering you're a vampire." Her tone was dripping with sarcasm.

"I don't like watching people getting tortured. I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy," he said with a wistful sigh. "Even if I don't eat cake."

"See! You're quoting it again! You're obnoxious, Emmett." She strode off, but not before tossing the Titanic at his head.

"Ooh, I love a good sob story," he murmured to himself and put it in the DVD player.

-----

Four hours and a good cry (except not really) later, Edward came in the living room and sat down, sighing heavily, next to Emmett. "Thank God that horrendous movie is over. I gotta talk to you, man to man."

"You mean vampire to vampire," Emmett said, still sniffly.

Edward sighed again, all depressing and emo-ly. "It's Bella."

"What? Did you bite her yet? Is she a vampire? Do I get to arm wrestle her? Do I get to wrestle her in general? Did you do the deed?" You could practically see Emmett's ears go up in excitement.

"No… just the opposite." Emmett's ears went down again. "I can't stand it. She's such a tease! Today she got out of the shower and came to get clothes in her room, but she just had a towel on her. I nearly died. Again! I'm going mad here, Emmett," Edward's eyes were devastated, as they usually were. Emmett secretly thought he had some sort of Sad Eye Disorder. SED.

Emmett asked, "Well, why not?"

"What do you mean, why not?"

"Why not just… do it. You know, if she doesn't get any soon, she may just turn to prostitution." With that, Emmett got up and walked away.

Edward sighed. Again. His shoulders were slumped and with his devastated eyes he looked completely depressed. "I wonder where Alice's eyeliner is," he thought.

-----

"ALICE!"

Even for a human, Bella's yell was loud enough for the squirrels in China to hear. At the sound of her name, Alice appeared in the door of Edward's room. Bella was on the bed, staring at the floor, her hands clasped.

"Edward's such a prude. I've been pathetically attempting to seduce him and it's not working. Well, either he's a super prude or he's committed to Jacob," she said in a sad, sad voice, not bothering to look at or greet Alice.

She made Bella face her and shook her shoulders. "You don't get this, do you," Alice said. "Edward and Jacob just had one little one night stand. That's what it was! He's not in love with him."

Bella was confused, now. She was still stuck on "one night stand". Edward… Jacob… hooking up…?

"So he's a super mega prude, then?" She questioned.

Alice let go and nodded. "I guess."

Bella sighed. "Hmm. Oh, well."

-----

**A/N:** Do not get Rose confused with Rosalie – _Rose _is from the Titanic. _Rosalie_ is Emmett's bitch.

Back in Emmett's world, he was still dwelling on the fact that Rose could have possibly let Jack go. He decided to ask Rosalie.

"Rosalie, why does Rose let Jack drop into the water when the ship crashes and burns?" His face was somber and Rosalie could tell his brain was hurting. That movie always confused him, Lord knows why.

"No, Emmett," she said, taking his hand reassuringly. "Jack froze to death in the water, and Rose had no choice but to let go. But in her heart, they were always together."

There was a pause, and Emmett cocked his head. "Oh. That's kind of cheesy."

-----

Edward was in the living room, wallowing, unaware of Bella up in his bedroom. At the same time she decided to go downstairs, he went up, and the crashed into each other.

"Oomph," Bella said. "This is awkward."

"Bella, please don't become a prostitute." Edward pleaded, and took her into the closet.

In Jasper's room, he and Alice were snickering, watching the scene play out via Alice's mind.

"Remember our first time?" Alice asked him.

"How could I forget?" Jasper laughed.

"Okay, now it's getting weird and awkward. Turn it off. Ewwwww."

"Shutting," Alice said with a disturbed look.


End file.
